Thursday, May 19, 2011

my matthew Mr.

tall. broad shoulders. strong jaws. fierce stare. thin and gorgeous! almost perfectly my ideal dream guy features.

that was the first impression i had when i first met you.

i remembered. it was in a cafe. it was 1800 hour. eversince, I never could erase you from my mind.

you invaded my life, my heart and my mind. every seconds of my life, there was you, without you even knowing.

few months later, the first time our eyes met. it broke me into tears. I did not know why or nor did i understood. but the feeling was a deep, heart-aching thing.

I was thrilled. i thought i saw it in his eyes. i thought i really did saw it. but a year passed. nothing had changed.

I kept living in the shadow of you.

I kept hoping that my dream was meant to be true.

I kept longing for you.

I kept praying to have you.

yeahh that was for four years ago. now you found your mistress. happily together. at least seems like you are both happily together.

you know when people always say. if it's not for you, no matter how or what you do, it will never come to you.

I believe in that too. so i actually accept the truth. that in this life, there is no such thing as 'me and you'. I really do accept that.

I moved on from you. while you are having a blast life too.

but now. often. when i see you and i see her too.. why do my heart ache?

why do i have this enviousness?

why am i being jealous?

and most terribly now, why am i still hoping that 'us' could even be possible again??!

I envy her!

and i want you.

this is a bad feeling and bad intention I'm coming through.

because people come and go from our lives. but some people when they come, they just conquer all.

ugh. I envy I envy I envy!

and I miss, yes i miss, ohh I miss you. load!

I miss having the feeling of missing someone, like i miss you.

Sunday, May 15, 2011


I was sleeping, this morning when i smell my mom cooking the sambal ikan bilis. smell was good, in fact is my favorite yet i felt nauseous suddenly at that moment and my head was like a spinning gasing out of a sudden.

I couldn't took it. I quickly ran to the toilet. man, nauseous like hell! head was spinning, feeling like throwing up but nothing was coming out!

I could feel it in my stomach, something is building up making me feeling so much uncomfortable, headache and nauseous! I hate this. :( I can't help crying silently because the feeling is awefull!

this is bad! I couldn't even stand more than two minutes. my head doesn't stop spinning..I can't walk properly.

I am feeling very sick and weak!

I can't eat anything... I can't even open my eyes that wide.

now I'm left alone lying on my bed. I don't even have the appetite to sleep but I can't stand, I can't sit.

I took some paracetamols. doesn't seem to work.

I am waiting for my little sister to come back home and buy me my tom yam pedas panas. I really need that so badly!

this is not good. seriously not good. I don't wanna fall sick please..

now im terribly lying down on bed, Fb-ing (and it's boring pleaseee!)

p/s : may Allah bless me so that i can get well asap.amen.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

25th birthday.

my birth date. 9th of May.

so yesterday was my birthday. few years ago, I had a plan. I planned to have a grand birthday party hosted by myself for family and closest friends of mine to celebrate my birthday...

Little did I know that I would be broke on my 25th birthday. I mean broke enough to host a grand party! phewws!

it was a Monday-birthday. did not feel like a birthday at all yaww.

I had meeting at 10 am in the morning. ended up almost 12 in the noon. then later, done some emailing, last minute notices and all, before rushed out to Cyberjaya to meet up with partners I mean business partner at 1.30 pm.

I didn't have any fancy meals at all. I just had a drink at pappa rich ; pappa mocha costed 6 ringgit, paid by Mr Kumar. thank you so much Sir! *perfect birthday gift durhhh hahaha*

meeting ended around 1630, rushed back to KL and my superior said I can go back home early. *another perfect birthday gift!*

owwhhh have to mention this, i got free voice call maxis to maxis remember??? I didn't even have time to call. and even more better when finally I was free to call, nobody picked up! blerghhhh! parfait parfait!

and this one sister of mine did not wish me, thank you very much sister. you made your point!

ohh and some important people in my life [used to be..i got to say,] did not even remember my birthday I think, I strongly think so! thank you for that also.

back at home, another sister of mine was there with her kid. well I think it was more like a 'birthday visit' kinda sweet. thanks!

my mama. she learned how to bake lately. she baked a red velvet cake and moist choc cake for me. the cake was horribly ugly must say but taste sumpah sedap! I'm overwhelmed and the kids were so happy because Tia was there on Monday, something so rare to happen before hahaha. we had fun eating ohh yes we do! :D

of all those moments happening on the May 9th, 2011 I could never forget just one thing up and foremost. the feeling when my IBU kissed me four times on my both cheeks. It was intensely genuine and full of love i could not express. it was like she wouldn't wanted to let go off me, till i have to say 'dah lah Bu..banyaknya nak cium' hahahhaa. I was superbly overwhelmed by that! i love my mom... :)

p/s : dear you, that i expected a lot on my birthday....i am not mad at you. i shouldn't be. i'm a bit frustrated yes, but why ~ shouldn't be also! only, it's good to know now. where did you stand in my life then, where would you stand next in my life and most obviously where do I STAND in yours.

p/s : birthday presents are yet to come from zaza, my sister ayu, my nieces and nephews..hhehe ohhh so good to have family after all! all that matters!

p/s : grand birthday party will still be hosted. ermmm let say next year and adding up another important guest to that party; BOYFRIEND! huewhuewhuew! owhh thinking..... better have two separate party. one decent party for all my lovely family and lovely friends, another should be vain one; guests include boyfriend and girlfriends! hahahahha no wonder lah plan suka tak jadi, sebab selalu ada hidden agenda jeh. wheewwws! ;P

Friday, May 06, 2011

taurean female

p/s Look, I'm just bored at work so i googled and found this.
in the spirits of my forthcoming birthday next week!
cheers for taurus! ;D

and i really am fascinated with the way this writer potrayed taurus. make me feel so proud to be a taurus myself. *gedik mode* :P

practical joke second edition.

Funny. that was my first impression. Hilarious was the second.

yes! funny how you call people selfish. funny how you call me selfish.

when the one and only person, who owns a private room with two cupboards while others stuck in a tin-of-sardine-space-like, is you!

when people ask you favors, you can simply say no. so now when you ask me a favor why do i have to say yes everytime?

ohh and you call me names. you make faces in front of me. hello ~ i did not even say NO. i have not even finish my words yet as always you explode like a crazy woman!

I would really love to ask you one thing. if it was me, in the middle of the night, asking you favors [well it isn't really favors when you order people to do your stuff, but in decent words, still we call it favors]. knowing you, you wont even gonna give it a damn care!

but what is the point asking. answer is obvious. extremely obvious!

again. funny how you can simply call me selfish. remember i was the one who turun naik bukit dan berebut bas everytime to settle your things. had i ever complained? and i don't intend to complain now though.

I was the one who never really care if I'm tired or not just to constantly send your car to the workshop, to the service center. ain't complaining. because it was hundred percent willingness and sincere.

I mean, come one. this isn't bragging off session of what we can do or what we can't. or not even what you did or what you did not. or also not about how much you helped or how much i would help.

we are two grown up people. we do things for each other. we are living together. so tolerate, and be relevant. because it is obviously so not relevant to me that you call me names and you separated the kids from me just that i did not help with that one tiny request of yours. (please be reminded, it was your own recklessness of not being alert on the due date lady!)

thank you very much for a tough living with you, everyday of seeing your 'sweet faces' and everytime of going through your majestic protocol!

p/s : I already bought you, your graduation present months ago anyway. much selfishness is there in me heh?
God bless sisters!

Thursday, May 05, 2011

Pre menstruation symptoms

Emotionally unstable i tend to loose spirits to live. I woke up late and not feeling like going to work everyday.

I woke up every day at different time. today i woke up very late and i went out from home at 8.10 am in the morning. not healthy at all. hahhaha 3rd week at work and coming in late? so not healthy!

I texted some people these days and they did not reply. so I never text back ever since. ohh yes I'm offended and yes call me emotional.

I extremely long for things. ridiculous one. ayork! shame shame shame. don't dare to spill. heee.

I crave for McD everyday. everyday feel like eating ayam spicy mcD and milo large one! huhh. pohkai! I almost lose it this evening, was very much close to drive to McD ampang again like the other day but then few seconds later my senses just got back up in me. RM 14 saved. Lord, thank you for that.

Gaji isn't in yet. it is 5th already still not in.haprak! pretty frustrating! but I'm new. I shall say no words ~ speaking impressions. just wait and observe. huhh.

I am craving for lots of thing. I drink coke a lot. I dream chocolate everyday. I want meatball from Ikea so badly! ugh.

I'm turning into a monster. food monster. bahhaha hell no! the answer was quite simple and constant. period! ughhh.

kemas-kemas dan cabut dari office tepat pada 5.30 ptg. balik dan mandi sebersih-bersihnya dan makan. and then snacking some more rocky stick ~ wahhh lega ~ ;D

those who don't really understand the chronology of this post here. worry not. and don't try to understand it. because you won't...

this is just symptoms of the disease i constantly have every single month. cheers!

p/s : tomorrow lunch would be nasi ayam pedas gila sri damansara utama or ayam spicy mcD plus large milo for dinner yeayyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, April 25, 2011

just bored.

it is a Monday morning. my second week of working...

pretty boring because i have no works to do today. it seems like it. as for now. I'm getting sleepy ~ huarghhh.

why hadn't i take my dinner last night now I'm freaking hungry!

craving for shushi. I'm gonna get my shushi on the way back home this evening. promise ~

meanwhile checking my calendar..., tomorrow morning meeting at 10.00 then another meeting at 2.30pm. hurmm.

hungry..hungry..hungry. :/

Saturday, April 23, 2011

prayer to God for her.

I'm very thankful. to God. that at this age, i just realized how much i love her.

my life without her would mean nothing. I am just really thankful that God lend me a chance to ever feel this way towards her. most of us don't have this chance not till she's gone. so I'm really is thankful.

don't even know how to express this feeling.

I just hope, well, actually i know God knows..

Every time she put that smile on her face. every time she express her joy. I feel great. I'm overwhelmed.

It's alright. If she does not like that i won't do that. it's really alright.

for the past 25 years she was there for me. I promise I'll be here for her ever. no matter what.

Dear god,
let her live long.
let her be happy.
let me be the one who make her happy.
let us be happy.
bless us especially her.
give me strength, give me courage and patience to always be there to always be committed and to always keep my words. to always make her happy.

Love you mom. really do.