Thursday, May 19, 2011

my matthew Mr.

tall. broad shoulders. strong jaws. fierce stare. thin and gorgeous! almost perfectly my ideal dream guy features.

that was the first impression i had when i first met you.

i remembered. it was in a cafe. it was 1800 hour. eversince, I never could erase you from my mind.

you invaded my life, my heart and my mind. every seconds of my life, there was you, without you even knowing.

few months later, the first time our eyes met. it broke me into tears. I did not know why or nor did i understood. but the feeling was a deep, heart-aching thing.

I was thrilled. i thought i saw it in his eyes. i thought i really did saw it. but a year passed. nothing had changed.

I kept living in the shadow of you.

I kept hoping that my dream was meant to be true.

I kept longing for you.

I kept praying to have you.

yeahh that was for four years ago. now you found your mistress. happily together. at least seems like you are both happily together.

you know when people always say. if it's not for you, no matter how or what you do, it will never come to you.

I believe in that too. so i actually accept the truth. that in this life, there is no such thing as 'me and you'. I really do accept that.

I moved on from you. while you are having a blast life too.

but now. often. when i see you and i see her too.. why do my heart ache?

why do i have this enviousness?

why am i being jealous?

and most terribly now, why am i still hoping that 'us' could even be possible again??!

I envy her!

and i want you.

this is a bad feeling and bad intention I'm coming through.

because people come and go from our lives. but some people when they come, they just conquer all.

ugh. I envy I envy I envy!

and I miss, yes i miss, ohh I miss you. load!

I miss having the feeling of missing someone, like i miss you.

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